Your tits are I can't wait for
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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