Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
