i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
