she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
