Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
