The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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