i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
