can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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