I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
