you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
