end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
