Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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