He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
