you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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