I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
