I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
