I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
