did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
