@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
