I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize