Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
