Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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