I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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