Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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