he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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