Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
