he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
