Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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