Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
