he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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