That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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