I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
