So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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