i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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