my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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