There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
