Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
