Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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