I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
