guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
