I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize