the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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