I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
