I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
