I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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