Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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