had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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