She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
