The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
