I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
