So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
