Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
