The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i think i just lost a toe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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