Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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