fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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