Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
