You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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