She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
