sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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