Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
