8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
