when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
