Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
