First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
