the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
