Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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