Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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