i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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