My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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