is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
