I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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