I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
