I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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