He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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