I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
