I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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