oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
