I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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