I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
