Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize