I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
