I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
