I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
