i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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