I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
