I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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