Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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