Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
