Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
