Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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