The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
