some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
