you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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