i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
