My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I had to cum in my sink.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
