I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You've changed since you got that strap on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
