Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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