i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
