do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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